i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
