It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
