I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
