Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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