Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
