I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
