Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
