Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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