there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
