and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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