I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
are you so shy because you have an std?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're too hungover to prance.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
