I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
