video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
