If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
