It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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