get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's official drugs can't kill me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
