North Korea, Best Korea!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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