we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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