Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
