This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
