this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
