3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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