I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
babies were throwing up all over the place
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
