If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Randomize
