its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
