And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to be your penis for a week.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
