I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
