youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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