She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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