Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
