Yo dont text me then not text me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
