is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
