swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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