You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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