Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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