I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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