I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
