The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
