Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
