he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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