Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
