is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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