quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
