My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
