He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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