win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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