You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
