On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
