i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
