you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
