I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
