i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
True college students do jello shots in the library
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