So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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