Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
