i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
