Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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