Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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