I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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