remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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