You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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