ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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