can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
