I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
