I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
