I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
