Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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