I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that's an acceptable place to lick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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