I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
