she sounds like chewbacca in bed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
