So drunk its hurt
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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