No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
