My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
