i just sent this text using only my big toe
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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