i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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