do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
