she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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