yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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